我就像其他好幾千萬的女生一樣, 平凡, 簡單的活著... 我就是那種走在路上沒有人會真的停下腳步注意, 或是多看一眼的女生.. 或許有時候臉上會有兩行淚, 有時會有笑容...但真正有去注意到原因的人卻又是少之又少... 我就是這麼普通, 這樣的活著... 當我的世界因為家庭的因素而震垮時, 有一雙溫暖的手把我從瓦礫堆中找出來, 祂把壓在我身上的重壓都娜去, 把推積在身上的灰塵都拍去... 身上的傷口也被仔細的檢查, 在一個個的細心包紮好.. 祂用憐憫跟溫柔的眼神看著我受傷的眼睛, 用手輕輕的擦過我充滿淚痕的臉頰, 溫柔的告訴我, "妳, 一點都不平凡, 也一點都不沒用. 因為我一直都在你身邊, 一直都很愛你, 也一直都在守護你...現在到了讓你好好認識我的時候了, 請妳看看我, 了解我...我已找到妳, 不用在害怕, 也不會在孤單了." 輕輕的靠在這溫暖的胸膛, 有力的手臂讓我忐忑的心開始平穩. 看著祂慈愛的眼神, 我知道, 祂好愛我..所以祂找到我, 不讓我受傷, 不讓我一個人獨自面對. 抱著祂暖暖的肩膀, 我找到了我的愛, 我的爸爸, 我的愛人, 也是我的最好朋友.. 因為祢 所以我又有了新的心 因為祢 所以我破碎的關係都被修復 因為祢 所以我的傷心難過都被安撫 因為祢 又給我了從新在來的機會 因為祢 晚上不在做惡夢哭著醒來 因為祢 我知道我不是沒有意義的活著 因為祢 因為祢 所以我找到了最完美的愛 謝謝祢 我可愛的爸爸 我的丈夫 我的情人 我的好朋友 我的老師 我的出氣筒 我愛祢

Speechless.. Its nice to facing all these difficulties with all my greatest sisters and brothers.. Yes I am tired, yes I am hopeless, yes I have peace. There are more than one thing I want to share.. but now I just want to share about today.. So many things happened this summer and these days.. all these gifts and encounter I have experienced.. all these tears and joy I have felt.. Praise You my Lord .. for You still love me and I love you back.. Praise You my Lord .. for I have to face money problem and only depend on You.. Praise You my Lord .. problems are can no longer block me to love You more. Sometimes I asked lots of why.. God why does Sarah and Alice and Amy have to leave? God why my money is not here yet? God why am I so foolish that I can lost my 15 dollars today when I don't have too much money already? After all, there are one reason... God wants me to love Him only and not worry about others. I found peace although I lost my money..(not in the beginning ... of course) but after the sadness.. I just felt that.. God said its okay.. there are much more blessing waiting for me when I stop worshipping money and the world.. tears fall down from my face, because I am so stress out.. yes is only the first week of school yes I still don't have any text book yet yes I still waiting for that one answer yes I am ready to do something I never done before in school yes I am who God says I am my head hurts.. my tears runs.. my music plays.. my mind thinks.. my hand types.. all for one reason.. God still loves me.. Thats why I am here... Thats why you can read my words. Take my world away God. I don't care anymore I am so lost but I know You are with me I am so hopeless but You are my hope I am so sad but You are my joy as long as You are with me as long as You care about me as long as You still loves me More God More BREAK me into pieces.. kill me before use me yes God because there is no better way than Yours because there is no meaning to live without You I don't care how others say about me anymore because I only got one life to live. and that is Yours I might cry in the middle of night I might hurt while You break me I might want to give up I might going to the place I never been before I might be scare but If is all for You take me even if that cost my life All I can do is .. trust You all the way no turning back no more time for wasting no other way trust You wholeheartedly if I perish, then I perish if I die, then I die because I know where I am going.

我的暑假...
大致上來說,過的還蠻有意義的...雖說發生了不少事情
該擔心的還是擔心 該來的還是會來...我有耶穌...怕甚麼??

恩..整個就是一個跟 神很親近的暑假..
參加了不少的聚會.. 也真的靜下來.. 跟 神的相處
慢慢的開始發現更多的缺點 也懂的哪些地方要怎麼開始著手去改..
雖說改變真的很難 但我答應 神我會慢慢來
對祢的信心是不會變的 不像某一些人...說了總是會拿一些莫名的藉口來堂塞自己改變不了的理由..
我會站在祢的正義地帶 不願意像某些基督徒老油條 久了就覺得站在世界的模糊地帶
因我可以清楚明白的感受到 神快來到
也親身經歷了世界要到另一種現象的改變

If no one will go, I will go..
If no one will stand, I will stand..
If no one will say, I will say.

If you love Jesus, why would you think its okay to cheat on your boy friend?
If you love Jesus, why would you think its okay to devoice?
If you love Jesus, why would you think its okay to stay the same?

come on people... wake up...
enough is enough..
stop giving me all these excuses..
don't want to hear it anymore.
I really don't like to hear some older people tell me:"you are still young, that's why you think that way, when you are entering my age .. you will understand.."
No! let me tell you... I will not...
why? because I will never accept or agree with what God dislike

回到原來的話題...
我的暑假
讓我更看清楚自己 也更了解怎樣去改變
這幾天 我試著不用第一人的方式去看待或感覺事情
而是用第二人的方式
我發現我真的很沒耐性 很簡單就會被惹的不耐煩 也很輕易的就會有怪想法
我也相信我可以改變 因為透過 神的眼睛看自己
會發現 其實我只是一個小女孩試著在長大
只是我不想再靠我自己 而是靠著 神
用不同的角度跟眼光 去看待事情
會發現 原來這樣比較簡單

我越來越不了解這世界
正義的標準 道德的觀念
為甚麼早結婚就會被懷疑是太衝動而同居卻又算是正常?
為甚麼婚前性行為的結果如果選擇墮胎是正常而生下來卻又會被指指點點?
<If you choose to do sex before marriage.. you should know that there is great chance for you to be pregnant ..girls...
and the result of pregnancy are suppose to pay the responsibilities for the baby.. not KILL HIM/HER.>
為甚麼很愛 神就要被叫做迷信or宗教狂而瘋塔羅牌或巫術就是跟流行?
<I don't believe in religion, but I believe in relationship. A relationship with my Father.. and please.. He is alive and real>
為甚麼在街上為人禱告祝福就是怪胎而在路上沒目的亂走又製造髒亂的人就不是怪胎?


very very...nice
devil try so hard to twist everything it can to take souls away..
try God.. we all know what it result is..

anyhow...
I don't why I talk so many different things with this ..
but.. just feel something is inside of me..
and I can't hold it anymore

so just let me type whatever I want to say

by the way..
我真的很討厭人家沒經過我同意就番我隱私或亂拿我東西
尤其是那些自以為拿了人家不會不高興的人
還可以白木到問人家
喔 我先拿/看了喔 你應該沒關係吧...
so how should I response to that???

If you really think I didn't get mad at that time means I don't care..
then you are so wrong..
I just trying to cool down myself before my emotion make things really bad
so.. please don't do again

man.. I am so companying..
blah blah..


I love my Jesus
I love my family
I love my church
I love my spiritual parents
I love my sisters and brothers
I love my lover
I love you

沒有特別的邀請 也沒有特別的選時間.. 就在昨天的半夜..msn訊息傳來了太平洋另一邊的笑臉... 妳...跟我同班兩年的 高高的瘦瘦的 愛笑的女生 妳...跟我同一團的 練舞練到發神經 一起分享第一名榮耀的女生 妳...跟我畢業旅行睡在一起 聊天聊到睡著的女生 妳...那個笑起來很甜 隨時隨地帶來溫柔跟溫暖的女生 妳...依然是那個很可愛的懿真 就簡單的聊著聊著....突然想到我的以前...突然想到我的曾經... 我不怕別人知道我以前甚麼...也不會刻意去隱瞞些甚麼...因為畢竟現在的我很快樂... 以前的我 很悲觀 很自閉 自尊心很強 不安感很重 非常的情緒化 自我保護的意識也很強 有著不好的家庭故事 卻又有著好的媽媽照顧 我 曾經是個叛逆 火爆 厭世的小孩 19歲的我 領悟了很多 也學了很多事情 發現 沒有耶穌不行 因為祂的愛 醫治我心裡面沒有爸爸陪伴的傷害 因為祂的手 溫暖了我以為在也沒有人會愛我的心 因為祂的話 開啟了我快看不見光明的雙眼 因為祂的光 照亮了我眼前的黑暗也讓我加快了腳步 我看到我未來的路 我預見了愛我的神 我聽到了我的呼招 也找到了生命的意義 I am Yours and You are my... 所以我分享 所以我想把愛傳出去 國小的點點滴滴 我全部都記得 我也全部很珍惜 對我來說 國小的同學們 你們是我的寶藏 也是我小時後記憶其中之一的快樂泉源 懿真 我特別的朋友...美麗又勇敢的公主 加油...因為在 神的眼中 你是最棒的 在我的眼中 你也是最好的... 你的笑 可以為那個地方帶來光 帶來活力跟溫暖 你的關心 可以安慰人的心 也鼓勵照就人的夢想 需要的時候我在這裡...因為我很關心你 沒有誰是可以獨自快樂的活下來的 所以我希望 能陪伴到你 就盡量的陪伴你 不快樂要第一個讓我知道喔 親愛的朋友 好想好想回台灣 在看到你們的笑容 給你們溫暖的擁抱 當然 為你們禱告祝福 是我最大的快樂 也是我唯一能做到的 要等我喔...加油!

Now, its final time..
what am I doing?

lazy feelings....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
懶懶的 恍惚的
發呆的 傻傻的

聽到一個清晰的聲音
血液開始沸騰
很想大吼 很想大聲唱歌
好久沒有寫作
好久沒有聽歌

除了詩歌
很久沒聽流行歌
突然
心血來潮
想找幾首自己喜歡的歌
來代表 快要19歲前夕的心情

時間飛阿飛 我又老了一歲
回憶轉阿轉 我又無法防備
我也繞阿繞 我又浪費時間

1.小宇宙
作詞：吳青峰
作曲：吳青峰

左手邊有個年輕人插隊 看一眼看一眼眼神充滿不屑
電扶梯一對情侶相依偎 你看我我看你擋在走道左邊
右手邊一個婦人丟紙屑 走向前走向前好像沒有不對
公車站車門停在我面前 擠向前擠向前把我擠回路邊

賣衣服的店員態度就好像 我花錢我花錢只是買她臭臉
不太熟的朋友靠近我身邊 他的嘴他的臉充滿世故氣味

為何這城市為所欲為 我只要只屬於我的宇宙

給自己一些從來沒有過的寧靜快樂季節
已老去的歲月化成蝴蝶都飛翔在我的房間
向時間交換來的新語言和心上的山水說聲謝謝
面對著那些不美的世界都不想不去掛念

左手邊車水馬龍吐著煙 壓過線闖過街直到我看不見
右手邊充滿暴躁的情節 一支筆一條線通通劃下句點

回到我的世界 無謂的事都走遠

左手邊窗簾拉開了一些 我的房間我的身邊多了一些光線
一瞬間瞳孔縮小了一些 我的房間我的身邊充滿鮮豔藍天
右手邊音樂放大了一些 我的房間我的身邊多了一些氣味
一瞬間心門拉開了一些 我的房間我的身邊充滿想像空間

給自己一些從來沒有過的寧靜快樂季節
已老去的歲月化成蝴蝶都飛翔在我的房間
向時間交換來的新語言和心上的山水說聲謝謝
面對著那些不美的世界都不想不去掛念



阿 我又老了一歲
阿 我又經過了一年
阿 我又成熟了一些
阿 我又浪費了時間


我 生日願望
是 忘記不開心
是 不記得不需要的過去
是 大步往前走
是 開心的笑容
是 愛神的以後
是 神給的自由
是 祢的我的 未來


我 在一次
想大聲的說                                            老爸         我很愛祢                 祢                  願意     陪我過生日嗎?

我想大力的像天空伸出雙手
                                                                    緊緊抓住那個很愛我的 溫暖雙手
用力抱住那不會離開的                            心會因我而跳的 胸口


我想 快樂的過                                             祢給的生活
                                    請祢陪伴我．　在我最不勇敢的時候，快樂的時候，願意為祢跨出第一步的時候．
因為　：）　我需要祢

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　聽到了嗎？　最親愛的　老爸．

嘿嘿！　我的朋友，生日要快樂，但不要忘記每天都要快樂喔！

我和祂的小宇宙＿



ａｌｍｏｓｔ　ｔｈｅｒｅ．．．Ｍａｙ　２２，　２００８．
Ｔｉｆｆａ　Ｌｕ，　１９．　
Ｉ　ａｍ　Ｄａｄｄｙ’ｓ　ｌｉｔｔｌｅ　ｇｉｒｌ．
"ｈａｐｐｙ　ｂｉｒｔｈｄａｙ　！　ｍｙ　ｄｅａｒ！"Ｇｏｄ　ｓａｉｄ．

Dear ALL, Please...
watch this very crazy thing online ..
if you ever question about God's power
if you ever question about who God is..
just watch it..
you will find out.. who HE really IS!


by the way
have you EVER experience that just by watch a online TV..
and feel God's presence and get heal???
have you EVER see anything like all these sick people who just attend an event,
and God just HEALED them ALL????


have YOU?
if you don't
then don't miss this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


watch GOD TV..
every night this week.. start 5 PM to 8 PM
don' t miss it
GOd is doing something crazy in Florida
the HEALING outpouring...
the REVIVAL that is happening today!!!!
in FLORIDA
 
http://www.god.tv/node/34?quality=High&region=USA
people...



awake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

watch this
you can feel God every sc while you watching it

this is what have happened in my dorm today..


we were watching God TV .. and it was the last hour already (which we have watch it after 7)
and then... at the very end of the service, Todd was praying for all the people who are watching this on internet
for our hunger about God, the spirit of God and MORE..

then.. I felt an electricity goes from the up of my head to bottom of my body, and my chin was trembling..
then.... Stephine, after she heard the prayer she fall down..
then... STEVEN GOT HEALED....
when he was six, his arm's nerve was destroy by a dog bite....both of them
so for 12 years he can't feel any pain at all..
but tonight.. just tonight by watching the event, God just healed his one arm..
the arm that got destroy the worse...he can feel PAIN now..
he can't have any feeling on his arm before .. but NOW he can!
come on!!!!
and all of us were drunk in the spirit..
we are so happy because of God..


for those who have no idea about what is going on in Florida..
I will give you a little background right now..

this was a conference "Florida healing outpouring"..
and the founder of Fresh Fire Ministries based in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Todd has a remarkable testimony of how GOd' delivered him from a life of crime and addiction. Today he is a radical disciple of Christ who preaches God's word with a clear demonstration of the Lord's healing power.
so this supposed to be a five day conference.
but then somehow God's presence just too strong, so they continue this event till today...
not just that.. they got to the biggest occasion in the city and have this event with hundreds and hundreds people from different cities..
people who are sick they ALL got healed..
people who can't walk.. they ALL can stand up..
people who can't hear.. they ALL can hear now..
people who was blind, they ALL can see now...


and we all believe that now is the time of revival...
20 years ago and 8 years ago, there are two prophets who have prophetic words about this thing that happening right now..
two of them have said that it will comes a day where a place in America will comes with this off normal man..
whose with tattoo and piercings all over his body..
but.. he is a man of God..
he is going to come and send the fire of revival..
and thousands will be saved.. by the Name of Jesus..

and yet.. this is happening..

people woke up with GOLD TEETH after they watched God TV
people got heal by touching the screen while they watched God TV about this event

there's too much going on



just watch THIS tomorrow night at 5 PM to 8 PM

DON"T MISS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

something will change Your LIFE forEVER!

He is coming, He is alive...
the son of David... He is born to be a king...
the Jewish Man.. he is alive.. prepare a way..
He is not a man who will lie.. He said he will come again.. and he will come again..
people get ready.. people get ready.. get ready..i said..

some said He is teacher,
he is fully a man who is born to be a king..
He is God..

though he is silent, and his patient
and i know the end of the story..
and now we are in the beginning of the story

He is coming.. He is alive..

look upon the One of these peers

who is this King of glory?


I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah

He's doing a new things so we're singing a new song

Are you ready? Are you ready for this?

He is not a baby in a manger anymore
He is not a broken man on a cross
He didn't stay in the grave
and He is not staying in heaven forever
He is alive!!
He is alive!!
He is ALIVE!!

Believe or not, He is coming!!!!!

people get ready!!!
Jesus is coming!!!

we trust You Jesus.. because You proved Your love..
we want You to come back..

I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah
I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah
I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the tribe of Judah



people walking round with their fingers in the their ears saying "La-du-du-du-du I don't want to hear the sound of the coming King"


He say:
I have held My peace for a long long long time, and in My silence you thought that I was all together like you.
inside your heart, you will complain and say God don't response, and he say he is not interested , you say He is is died and gone..
but i been silent for such a long long long time..
i am about to cry out, to shout,

Once again I am going to shake everything that can be shaken
Once again I am going to break everything that can be broken

are you ready are you ready for this??
are you ready are you ready for this??
are you ready???



people get ready.. Jesus is coming...

He is really coming...


get ready...
He is coming...

the King is coming...

I have so many to share.. and yet.. my blog have some problem (blogspot)
awwww....

but anyhow.. what happened today is that i finally overcome my fear..
i prayed for a person in my school for healing..
Oh my Lord, it feels so good.... i was so happy..

and Thank you Eric..
for your msg from God.. it was so touching.. i almost cry

and yet..
onething is way to great!
and my life is changed because of it
i feel so clear and fresh and in love with God right now


Lord.. You are too good for me..
yea yea yea..
i love You so much..
i never thought about goin to Asia for revival.. but for You God..
Taiwan.. here i come..
i will prepare everything i can.. and send all the msg for You

and yea bye my sins..
i will not fall again..
because i know God He loves me
and in His love.. i will not be weak again..
i need You more than ever..
i will ask everything from You..
no matter what..
i will love You..
and i will obey..

overflow me..
i need more More..
and i will share Your love crazy!
i don't care who gonna say or how they gonna look at me
but i will do IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






Thank You.

Finally, I got a chance to watch this movie today.
oh man... it was GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD...

like most of you, who have watched this movie already.
I almost cried... yet, I did cried a little..
so touching..



from my view, what i have seem is that...
in the beginning, I wasn't expecting too much from this movie.
even thought many people from Impact have told me how good it is..


but as more as I watched, as more as I got into it..

and I was so touched by

"A person is a PERSON, no matter how SMALL"

and yet! please, mothers, your little tiny babies might have something want to tell you..


"I am here"...
like the movie sang..
"We are here"....


My heart was broken, when I heard the song they yelled out, sang ...
and especially, when Jojo opened his secret lab..

Oh dear God, when the little balls fell down, there were two DNA shaped stairs? something like that..to me it presents something very important, its like the secret lab as a little baby, and then the stairs as DNA, and the big balls that fell down as heart beats from the baby..


I was so touched..
you can felt how wonderful and powerful from a little baby...
God created people so unique..

when they started sing "We are here.."
tears in my eyes..
can't described my feelings..


but Lord!!!!
You are so gooood..


after watched this movie..
i really hope NO MORE abortion will happened anymore




please Lord...

A person is a person .. no matter how small!
and they are created by GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Thank You Jesus.. for I am still here and typing these down...


Praise You..

Like my Title...
Seriously, every life counts in God's eyes.
Not trying to be so Holy or Godly.. but she/he is a life!
Like this picture said, he/she is a child, not a choice..
if you don't want it.. why you allow it to happen?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r-9AMvIkK0&eurl=http://jesusismycupoftea.blogspot.com/

"Gonna do something"- Shin
"God Loves You and Your Baby” and “Inside You Is A Miracle of Life”- Impact Jesus Freaks
“Terrorism can never end, but abortion can!”-John

girls, our mothers decided to gave our life, and this is the reasons why we are here..
why can't we ... be brave and do the same thing??

Every blood counts, every baby He created..
It so special, so precious..

sorry for the bloody video, but this is REAL!
what is inside of a pregnant woman is a REAL life, not a tiny 'thing"..
It hurt me so bad when I heard the number of abortion from every year.
They are the voice that people refuse to listen.
They have rights to live!
Because God give them life..


please, if you have any girl friends, family members who are pregnant, ask them to think..
ask them to give the babies a chance..



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear God,
I can't do something big or very much
but Lord, You can.
I pray that You will help everyone of us realize how important is the unborn babies..
and how much You love them.
God, You have mercy on us..
You bless the girls who are making the decision now...
You pull down Your wisdom, let them make the right choice..
Your spirit be with them, full fill their needs and come to their life..


Lord, Thank You for the life,
Thank You for created me and gave me a chance to live..
Mommy, thank you so much for gave me a chance to show you how much I love you..


please..
 In Your Name I pray, Amen..






Sarah, Shin, Alice, John, Jas, and more..
you guys did a very great job and so encourage..
love you all, and GOd, YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SKILLET
"The Older I Get"

The walls between
You and I

Always pushing us apart nothing left but scars fight after fight

The space between
Our calm and rage
started growing shorter , disappearing slowly day after day

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

The older I get
Will I get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed

I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

The time between
Those cutting words
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt
Do you believe
That time heals all wounds
It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you

What was I waiting for
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm
I need to say so bad
What were you waiting for
This could have been the best we ever had

[Altro:]
I'm just getting older
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to
I wish it didn't hurt like this
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this


yes, Lord, I can't fight without You.
Lord, I want to be closer to You.
Without You, I can't do anything.
You are way important than anything in my life.
Take me, Heal me, Kiss me, Love me, Speak to me.
Lord,

I cry out to You now.
I want more of You.

I don't want to use my own strange anymore.
I want to depend on You.
Guide me, Lead me, like teach baby how to walk again.
I fall, but I know You are there holding me up.


Sorry, God.
Please don't let me go.
please forgive me for what I have done.
I don't want to break Your heart again.
I want to see You smile.
I want to be the one who makes You proud.



I put everything to You.
And I will sing loud, dance crazy, for You alone.
You are more than Life.
Nothing else can take Your place.




the older i get, the more i love You.
                                             even though, this test is getting harder,
                                             but, I know Jesus been suffer more than I do.
                                             My life is Yours, I trust You.

Another new day that God created; i woke up with swollen and dry eyes.
My eyes can barely open and my heart is empty.
"again," i thought
my heart started filled with anger.

last night, i was pain all over my heart and mind.
i cried so hard, and felt helpless.
i have no idea, all i did is denied myself and became negative again.
i tried so hard to not to fall into darkness again.
Praise the Lord, Yusuke was on the phone, he kept telling me how much God loves me and He didn't die for nothing.
it milted my heart, so i cried harder.
till i have head ached.
so i talked to May till 5 in the morning.
we shared, we tried to understand each other, and we have talked for the longest time since i met her.

i know, God changed something between may and i.
and i know, even though we have to go though this painful way to reach where we are right now, but God is always there and watching over us.

I was broken last night, i cried and cried.
till a point i want to stop but i can't.
so i started pray, i asked God why He allow this happened?
and why me??

then God showed me, Jesus been though all these.
God used May asked me, isn't that i want to become a leader?
and i asked myself,
can i handle more?
its gonna get worse when i become a leader.
and i thought about how Jesus been go thoguh.
He must feel the same way as i do.
feel depression, don't know what to do, sadness, being misunderstanding, no one want to listen to Him, even kill Him.

but devil has played my emotion.
i still have great anger inside of me
i felt like, why me again?
so you didn't do anything wrong? and u always perfect?
different people from different back ground, there's nothing to be compare with.
we are all in the same stage, we are all learning, so how dare u say that to me?
i never tell people what to do or try to change them, because only God can.
who are you that can tell me what to do ?
what now? you think you are old enough to deal with your peers?
i didn't say anything or do anything doesn't mean i am not MEAN enough to do
becasue i know
i am different ..
from my past.
i want to stop all that retaliate actions that i used love to do.
yes, i am different
yes, stop thinking

then i fall sleep.


till today.

so back to the beginning, where my eyes still dry and ugly.
i have anger inside of me still
and i can feel it grow bigger ..
i don't want to forgive, and i want to do something to hurt whoever hurts me
i tried so hard and i even give up myself
just to please you?

but God is amazing.
there is the difference between the people who love God and the people who don't know God.
God changed me already.

at the afternoon.
God treated me mango, made me feel much better
and started putting lots praising songs in my mind.
non stop, so i got my i pod and started singing while i walked back to my dorm
i sing and people looked at me funny or weird.
but i don't care.
because i love Him
and He wanted to cheer me up.


after all.
God started sending angels around me
talked to me, cared about me
He want me to know i am not alone
and
my heart got soft and started crying again while i was talking to Jack.
so i finally got released by what Jack told me.

funny, i can always obey whatever Jack told me.
and devil know that, so before Jack reply, i don't feel want to talk to him at all
but then, thank God, Jack you talk to me


so, i feel much better.. with God's love and family, friends warm caring and supporting.
so much love
and..
i still remember the sermon i heard from few weeks before.

Don't listen to the voice of criticism, doubt, limitation, and selfishness.
Only listen to the voice of faith.

眼睛是乾的 是腫的
從來沒想過
原來可以這麼顧人怨
是甚麼時候開始的?
只要有人說我 我就會開始怪自己
從來沒有想要去貼blog傷害過人
也沒想過這樣的行為是被認可的
我只想說
謝謝你們
我無話可說了

我只知道
我很累
夠了
不想再說了

愛人不是傷人
更不是只有批評跟論斷
我真的跟你很熟嗎?
我有那麼幼稚到你受不了要昭告全天下嗎?
我像是白吃
傻傻的最後一個才看到
傻傻的還是在大家面前
傻傻的     裝著堅強


又是我的錯?
有人替我想過嗎?
那種心理的難過 是沒辦法去預設或想像的

我只是覺得


這樣就夠了

要這樣想
就這樣吧

反正



神 知道我
就好了

既然她們都說
是"你們"也allow的
那我真的
無話可說

原來公開的說話傷人
是對的
原來這樣是叫做愛人
原來
你有眼淚你有感覺
我沒有

謝謝


耶穌

祢讓我瘋了

我尊敬的
我愛的朋友

都支持
good start?
i see ur love
i am with u



okay
u win
i am just a loser
i am nothing

thank you
and yea


i'll just leave


thank you
and thank you

Dear Daddy:
Now I stand before You.. I pray with my whole heart and with love that You gave me..
I pray for the up coming Impact event, Christmas Party..
That You will use this event and touch people who go,
that we will invite many lost souls..
I pray that the people who are helping this event, they can get enough rest, and get energy from You.
They will have time to spend with You..

I pray for IMPACT, God I thank You for putting me in this church.
You will use us as a very good example of Your "youth church"..
That You will prove to people who don't believe that we can make this.
You are the God who prepare everything.
Please take away all the worries from Jack and Annie.
That You will renew them everyday, take them to a different level.
Meet them in dreams, meet them with power, and  product them.
Open their eyes to see a bigger picture of our future..
Lord, I thank You for Jack and Annie..
The time, money, and energy they spend on us..
You will bless them more than they can imagine right?

I pray for Momo, Sarah, Alice, John, Jon, Eric, Shin, Rock, Joy, MQ, Josh, and more...
I pray for these leaders, and future leaders that they will encounter You everyday, every night.
When they get tired, You will provide them energy.
Fill them with Your love to love others like Jesus does.
God, I ask You to renew them, to speak to them.
They need You more than life. Help them, guide them with Your light and wisdom.

Lord, I pray for my friends who don't know/accept You yet.
I pray for Kelly, Victoria, Herbert, Thomas, Gary, Tiffany, Syble.. and more.
God, I cried out for them, You saw them suffer, You saw their empty hearts..
They are still hurting by past, they need You Lord..
God please use me, or anyone to touch them
with Your love, in the right way and right time.
God i trust You will heal them and lead them to You.
Pull them out of the painful past, and bring them to a best place.
Help them, open their hearts and eyes.. to see You, to know You..
God... please... Help Them...with Your wonderful love..

I pray for my family who don't know You yet..
Lord, I pray for my dad..even though i still don't know where he is.
but God i know he is in Your hand...God please forgive him for what he have done..
and i also pray for healing to my mom and brother's heart.

I pray for my grandma.. that she will understand Your will one day..
Lord, thank You for brought her near.. but now its the time that she should stop sinning..
God give her chance to know You .. to Love You.. to experience You..
Help her..

I pray for my cousins who don't know You yet..
God i don't care how they gonna view me.
But Please.... touch them .. and melt their hearts ..
they need You.. but i don't know what to do but pray..
God..
change their hearts... change their hearts.. to know You more..

God..
I pray for myself now..
that You can fulfill my needs.. and the only one i need is You..
give me strength, help me get out of my comfort zoom, i can do things for You without friends.
Lord, take away my laziness and worries..
i don't want to sinning anymore.. i want to depend on You and never worry again..
worry makes me go crazy and not trust You wholeheartedly.
Take me to a higher level.. i want to pray and be near with You for one hour everyday..
please.. Lord.. remind me of Your love.. of Your work... and Your will


open up my eyes to the things unseen..
show me how to love like You..
break my heart with what break Yours..

i need You..
I am so hungry ... i am so dry
i need You God..

I want Your love more and more and more
i need You to be with me

JEsus..



please..

hear my prayer...


in Your mighty name I pray..


A men

i haven't feel like this for long time..
feel weird.. like nothing right..
i don't feel like myself again..
and.. i know that because of my foolish action..
i am sinning..
i am worrying..
i am not happy..
and .. i am not myself..

is that because i am not worth to be understand?
or just people can't communicant with me at all?

why people always look at the bad side?
why people always focus when i done something wrong or get mad?
why i feel so empty..?
why i don't know what am i doing?
why i feel i waste lots time to explain myself and still no one understand?
why i feel like the time i spend with him is like nothing.. cause he still don't know me?


why? so much why in my mind

i just can't take it anymore..

i feel like.. something is pulling out of my life, my soul..
i feel like.. i am not me again..
i feel like.. i am so far away from God..

every time i want to be closer to Him..
i will be block by sins and gets farther away..
every time i tried so hard to make read Bible or pray as a usual habit with  someone
it will become a fight between us..


what's wrong with me?

maybe i should stay away from people..
maybe i have to be with myself..
maybe i need time to put myself together again..


why am i here? why am i doing this? why am i so tired.?

i guess i am going to some weird moment now..

i might be a bad friend..
or bad girl friend..
or bad kid..
or bad person..

but i am not as bad as u thought..


but..
i just don't know who am i now.
for a while..
i feel like to live in other's life..

just like when i was little..
my little tiny wishes..

God... you here?
God.. You still love me?
God.. i am tired..
can you help me?
i am lost.

i need hope
i need hugs
i need strength..
i need rest...........

i need love.........
yes..
i need love.........



help...........


help_

灰灰的冷空氣..不太舒適的grey hound bus..
沉重的行李..思緒胡亂的我..
就這樣 我踏上了回家之旅..Bakersfield..

下了冷冰冰的巴士, 看到的是滿臉期待與開心的媽媽..
那煞那的擁抱..真的好溫暖..
和那不怕冷穿著短褲隨性的繼父...貼心的幫我提走我沉重的行李...
已經忍了快一個小時尿液的我 再癲波不段的爛馬路折磨隻下快爆炸..
心急的媽媽快速的衝進傳說中的便利"廁所"..我是說 速食店 麥鐺鐺去讓我解放

上完廁所 媽媽整個就心情很好
看到我回到家 彷彿心情放鬆許多
貼心的他 知道我餓了 就在我來之前還做了皮有點太厚的包子
真的很好吃 也喝了他的招牌牛肉湯...好溫暖好幸福

題外話:(唯一對Bakersfield反感的是 那很贓的空氣
從一下車的那煞那開始
我的鼻涕也不聽話的開始折磨我到我回家的今天)

第一天晚上 老弟也很慷慨大方的借我電腦
哈拉哈拉哈拉 然後就迷迷糊糊的混到要四點才摸上床睡覺
久違的房間也免不了被堆積的命運
早聽說離家的大學生 他們的房間通常會成為變相的儲藏室
果然沒錯 媽媽用有點抱歉的表情 說他有小小整理
我是無所謂
能睡我就滿意了 細心的老弟也幫我洗過床單 當然我知道一定是我媽叫他去做的
果然還是自己的床舒服
看著九把刀-殺手系列後 就舒服的躺在暖暖被窩 夾帶著鼻涕睡著了

第二天起床 感到回家的熟悉
就起來去找老媽 看他在幹麻
果然又再忙廚房
老弟也還在睡 跟豬一樣
彷彿一切都沒改變 跟我走之前的生活模式還是很像
好懷念
跟老媽繼續哈拉哈拉
隨後就拒絕老媽熱情的邀約 因為我一點都不想要去摘別人家的橘子
這件事讓我小內疚 因為媽媽表情有點失望 拜託我個老半天
我只想好好休息咩

放空的看電視 發呆 看書 吃東西
我要變休假的老人了
很high好久沒那麼閒
上大學都不知道在累啥
雖說回家一直不段的打噴嚏 擤鼻涕
但 那是家的感覺

晚上吃的很豐盛 繼父準備的火雞 (蘋果鳳梨檸檬做調味 好吃又多汁)
馬麻招牌雪菜肉絲炒飯 正! 沙拉 還有桃子派
吃好飽 肥死了

那天晚上老媽跟我擠在床上睡覺 哈哈
床變好滿 好暖 就像以前依樣
一起禱告 聊是非 然後累的睡著
媽媽還是一樣 甚麼事情都堅持要幫我們弄好
笨弟弟不懂媽媽的用心良苦 一直帶朋友回家 害我沒啥時間和他相處
清晨他就跑去跟朋友逛街去了
我也再早上跟好久不見的同年同月同日生的男生去逛街
買了一些打折品
心情好
卻很疲憊 好想睡覺 只睡了四個小時的我在一塊錢的電影院裡打瞌睡
小小丟臉 卻是好笑的片段

回到家 媽媽又準備麻油雞 要給我補補
又魯我愛的雞腿
吃的很開心 跟他逛超市也逛的很開心

又是一起睡覺的一天

之後就跟媽媽相處很多
感覺很充實
但睡眠還是不足的 ><

我們還去吃了oliver garden
好好吃喔

要走之前媽媽不捨的表情 讓我很不想走
貼心的媽媽就準備了我愛吃的金沙 跟一些我需要的東西
和我想要很久的捲頭髮的根拉直頭髮的工具

阿
我媽太寵我了...thank you mama

他好像擔心我都吃不飽ㄋㄟ
我都變胖了 唉

回到現實 也就是回到我很不想回到的宿舍的我

發現我好多功課要交
好痛苦

好想鑽進媽媽的暖暖被窩然後就睡著 睡到自然醒


嗚嗚




媽


我想你了拉







媽





謝謝你






i love u !

好久沒有打網誌了..
沒想到在打是這樣沮喪的情心情

或許真的開使慢慢懂得那種交往久了的無耐..
以前跟現在做的事都一樣

就現在讓你不順眼看不過去  受不了

一堆藉口理由要做的就是把我立場打翻
證明你的成熟 證明你都對

你要我改變 你要我去試 去努力
你卻也在改變

改變對我的態度 口氣 與不耐煩

我看不到以前對我好 對我溫柔的你

我只看到對我口氣差 又不想花十時間溝通相處的你


我所做的努力都變的理所當然
我所有的不滿跟生氣都變成了情緒化跟大小姐脾氣

真的嗎
這麼不滿意我了怎麼不早點說
到我已經投入也放了那麼深的感情了在用言語傷害我 忽略我

如果你那麼不需要我
也那麼厭倦傲街我電話 或你所為的 我的打破沙鍋問到底的習慣

你大可以離開 因為我又不是今天才這樣
不用冷言冷語 百般的挑我毛病翻我舊帳來讽刺我

也不用弄那種要受不了我的口氣對待我



我要的 你都懂

只是或許太多

你開口

我會放手

你也可以輕鬆的走



我是真的很難過

不想在吵 也不想在聽

都是我都是我

每次吵假都變成我的錯


都是我都是我
每次生氣都是我亂發大小姐脾氣
對你亂吼


好拔

那麼討厭我就不要在街近我

多說甚麼也沒有用


因為你永遠都覺得是我要改 是我幼智

好拔

流在多淚也沒用
你只會覺得那是廉價的老戲碼又上演

反正一定又是我打給你
反正最後一定又是我先主動




老橋段 不是嗎


改一下吧




反正我的感情 人格 個性是那麼的廉價
你也無所謂

因為你脾氣口氣也越來越差

好吧

你一定又推怪我都是我不好


那我不打給你了 這樣你是不是比較自在 比較輕鬆
那我也不上線了 這樣你是不是就比較不覺得msn礙眼
 這樣你是不是比較快樂沒人煩你或對你發脾氣了
你也不用解識 也不用煩有一個人會愛胡思亂想 沒安全敢 或是質問你為何不打或接電話








沒有我的你


會好一點吧



就先這樣


我不知道我在你心裡的位址在那

我只知道視線慢慢膜胡的我


好難過.................

好久沒好好再寫一些心情日記了...
上大學的這些時間, 發生很多事情..

很多時後都需要回到 神的面前.. 好好思考
有時候會痛哭 有時候會大笑..
說真的, 看到很多人的生活發生的大小事情,
有一些時候會希望能做一些甚麼來幫助他們..
但卻又無能為力

忙的很空..都在忙學校的東西
有很多時候希望能做些甚麼
但我真的知道 神就在我身邊
每一次祂的特別經歷都是非常清晰的
我還記得所有的事情

謝謝祢